Motherhood

This post is a bit more serious than most. Just to let you know what you are in for before proceeding.

I read the other day in my Woman's Day magazine an article titled Motherhood in 2007. This got me thinking a lot about being a mother, and the views of society about the role of women...especially mothers, and even more about stay at home moms. I have had this on my mind a lot over the past 3 years, and I know I have friends who have also been struggling to find their worth as a stay at home mom. I know many mothers lose their identity and sense of self when they embark down the road of wife and mother. There are a lot of roles to fill, and it is easy to lose track of who you were before becoming a wife and mother.When asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, the only easy answer for me was to be a mom. I never had any passion, or interest or desire to have a profession or career. In college I changed my major 5 times before settling on a course of study that would help me in that path. I worked full-time before having children and pretty much hated it. It was a way to bring home a pay-check, but I never had a sense of satisfaction with what I was doing. I knew that working full-time in the "corporate" world was not for me. It wasn't who I was.The reality of what being a stay at home mom entailed of course hit shortly after I quit work to stay home with my son. While I was relieved to be out of the brown-nosing politics of retail management, I soon fell into the monotony of my days as a mom, and began to miss the intellectual and social stimulation I got when I was working. I had to find other avenues to make myself feel valued and important. I know that being a mother is the most important job there is, and that you are the most important person to your children, but it is hard to see that sometimes. I have spent every day since then trying to find a way to balance myself and create a new definition of who I am, and feeling pleased and happy with that definition.

I have discovered stamping, card making, scrapbooking ( a little bit) and paper crafts as a way to feel a sense of satisfaction and accomplishment. I became a Stampin' Up! Demonstrator when my son was 9 months old as a way to have a new hobby and creative outlet. I have also enjoyed making new recipes, and recently began trying to learn to sew. There are so many rewards to being a mother and having the sweet little spirits in my home, that I wouldn't trade it for the world! After they are in bed at night, I find myself thinking about them, and their cute smiles, funny things they said or did, and just remembering their hugs and kisses. Even on days when I feel like I am not happy with who I am, and I just want to quit. I could never actually quit. I love them too much! It has just been hard for me to embrace motherhood whole heartedly while maintaining my old self. I still have to redefine myself and find comfort and peace with that new definition. It is an ongoing search, but I hope that one day I will find it and be happy with it. The search is on....